Breathing

In. out. In. Out. I’m quite certain my very favorite sound in the world is the sound of my baby peacefully sleeping. I turn the monitor on high and just listen. And breath. When he wakes he moves constantly and everywhere. While so fun to watch, I love the calm. I love his breathing.

Nixon turns one tomorrow. He is not quite so little anymore. I look back, I see what we’ve become. He, an amazing child, me, a mother, Tyler, a father. We, a family.

The day before Nixon’s arrival, I was placed on bedrest. I had been to the hospital the night before with some pain under my ribs, and they were testing me for preeclampsia, but I wasn’t concerned. I had every intention of returning to work the following day. I had items on my “to do” list and was looking forward to walking around at the carnival below my building during lunch. I never made it back. I never sat in that chair, I never said goodbye to those people. I won’t lie and say that was easy. It was so hard. That life was gone so fast.

The evening before Nixon was born, we returned to the hospital where we learned the results of the tests. We were told I would be induced the following morning. Three weeks early. I began to cry. I was so very, very sad. I am a planner to the core, but I didn’t want to plan this. I wanted the rush, the water-breaking, speed to the hospital, wheelchair ride to the elevator rush. I also wanted a healthy baby and knew the closer to due date that better. I was scared.

We went home at 11. We finished packing our bags. We called our parents. We prayed. We slept in, took a shower, then Tyler made waffles. Our neighbor took a few pictures, then we drove slowly to the hospital singing, “Hey I just met you and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe!” – that song. With Tyler doing the actions from the YouTube video we’d just watched. I laughed. He always knows how to help.

We walked in, hand in hand. We picked up the phone and I said, “I’m here to have a baby today.” They beeped us in and we were on our way.