Like Playing with Barbies

“Adrian,” she said very calmly and grown-upedly. “Be sure you do not light the gas on fire, because gas gets on fire very easily and when it does it’s BAD. Just make sure.”

I assured her that I would do just that and got out of the car to spend $27.31 (Darn one number beyond what I wanted it to be) to fill up for the drive home. She is my niece. One of seven nieces and nephews my fantastic sisters have provided. I love her and her cousins more than almost anything else in the world. She’s very serious. Very matter-of-fact. “I don’t know a lot of things, so I have to ask some questions sometimes,” she says. I like her questions. They’re simple. “Why is that G on the mountain?” “Why don’t you get gas at Costco?” “Can we walk to the swimming pool, or should I have brought my bike?” All very good questions.

My only concern is five seems much too young to have the stress she carries. I don’t want her to worry about anything but dressing barbies for the party and jumping on the trampoline. I don’t want her to be concerned about how she’s going to get from one place to the next. I don’t want her to be grown-up, because I am, and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

I want her to savor the days when the only tears were caused by bike crashes and time outs. I want her to feel the blessing of knowing that everywhere she turns there’s someone who wants to hug her and thinks she’s the most fantastic little girl ever. I want her to stick with that “I am awesome” childhood mentality just a while longer.

And honestly, I want to be in her place. Sure driving a car is pretty exhilarating, going to college was fabulous, spending my own money on what I want is nice. But my goodness, did I really know life was going to be so dang hard some days? Did I know I was going to feel lost at times, even though I’ve done all I could think of to keep the light intact? Did I know I was going to fall in love once, and it wouldn’t be that fairytale Walt and crew lied to me about? Probably. It still sucks.

Yes – I know. My life is pretty good, considering the alternatives. But I do wish I’d lived more fully the awesome moments of the past instead of always running so fast to the next step. This stage is not my favorite. But I sure was in a hurry to get here. Elder Uchtdorf said,” We don’t acquire eternal life in a sprint – this is a race of endurance.” That slow-paced concept – that’s a good idea. How does one go about it? I haven’t quite figured it out.

What I do know is that I hope I can help my niece overcome the desire to be grown up. I hope I can be a good example of what “grown up” is because I know she’s watching. And I really just wish I were five today.