The Lullaby Life

Tonight as we were getting Nixon ready for bed he was sad. He breaks down when he realized bath time is over and pajamas are on their way. It’s a ritual we sing through every night. But tonight, tonight was different. Tonight amidst the tears he repeated over and over, “Mama, mama, mama” for the first time. I can’t begin to describe how much I love that little boy.

Our child hit eight months old and became the coolest baby in all the land. My favorite part about him is how he smiles his giant, toothless smile for everyone he sees. He is so happy! Let’s be honest, babies aren’t fairytales and our baby can scream with the best of them. But most of the time he loves to sing and smile and play.

Mama is the newest word, but before that came “Da dad da dad da.” I was walking Nixon around the house to see pictures of the people we know, and every time he saw one of Tyler he’d say “da dad da dad da.” Tyler was beyond skeptical when I told him this, but I was convinced he knew what he was saying. Later that day we walked out to meet Tyler as he was coming home from work. We stopped to talk to our friends. I said, “Nixon, what’s your new word?” Without skipping a beat he looked at Tyler, smiled big and said, “da dad da dad da!”

Yesterday Nixon and I were out on the grass blowing bubbles and eating dirt (wait, that was just Nixon), and our neighbor walked by and said, “wow, that’s the life.” I thought about how right he is. I am right where I need to be, living a life that’s overflowing with lullabies and big huge smiles. 

I have a close friend who told me as soon as I saw my little boy I wouldn't want to return to work. She was wrong. I probably could have managed to leave him them. But now, now that we've officially grown attached, leaving is the last thing on my mind. I feel overwhelmingly grateful for every day I can just be Nixon's mom.

Thinking and Nod

They say to meditate, to spend time alone, to stay in tune with yourself. Can do. But there’s also such a thing as too much of all that jazz. Too much thinking tends to screw up pretty much everything.

Nixon and I spent a week and a half alone with our thoughts and three dogs, taking care of the canines while their owners were far away somewhere warm. I watched the clock for Tyler to come home, to save me from the quiet of a big house and no talking company. 

I am so glad to be home and to have some relief from the thinking overload. To be clear, not all of the thoughts are detrimental, really.

My baby is so much fun to watch. I love to watch him all day long. I wish he didn’t wake that one time every night, though. Should I let him cry? I want to re-decorate his room already, should I? And how?

My husband is working hard. I would move wherever he needed to move to progress. I hope I don’t have to move far from my family though. Where would I move? Will I ever work again?

Maybe I should plan out Tyler’s Birthday… 

But always there are thoughts I shouldn’t think so much about, shouldn’t worry as much about.

Am I a good mom? Second guess. Second guess. Second guess.

Am I a good wife? Second guess. Third guess. Ninth guess.

I wish I could run. I wish it didn’t hurt. Will I ever run far again? Will my body ever be well?

See what I mean? Thoughts can help, but too much thought is bound to drive one crazy. I’m home safe, narrowly escaping that insanity, and I’ve been more determined than ever before to be busy and not so ultra contemplative. At this rate my house is going to be crafted ceiling to floor and spotless by next Tuesday. Maybe I should work on a little balance between the two… 

These Days

I am currently eating a s’more. That’s right, a s’more. Graham crackers, chocolate chips, marshmallows and a microwave. Why not?

My life is so very different now, really hardly anything is the same. I see the world with different eyes and my days are filled in very different ways. Who was I before a baby? Who am I now? Those are questions. The answers are still pending.

I have days when I miss my old life. Miss who I was, the people I was with and the cool things I used to do. I miss my boss and his dumb dad jokes and constant home renovations. I miss pebble ice and planning. I miss the mall. I do.

Those days. An event I planned, explaining the plan to Jimmer.

But I wouldn’t ever go back. Because I know I’ll look back on these days – the days I’m in – with satisfaction. They are hard, but they are the best days of my life so far.

Eating s’mores at 4 p.m. on a Wednesday (it is Wednesday, isn't it?) is only half the fun of it. There’s wake up time (so happy), cuddle time (every day around 2 p.m.) and the lull in the day around 3 p.m. that has and always will exist.

Cuddle time. Don't be late.

Last week, I fashioned a box into a train and started pushing baby Nix around the house. He enjoys the “choo choo” until I can’t go on. He loves granola bar wrappers – will play with them forever. I taught him to play the drums on metal bowls. He got the hang of it and that made my day. That’s all it takes.

Playing the drums. He's good.

We took a trip to St. George to visit Tyler’s Grandparents and try out our new mountain bikes. What a fun weekend! Tyler’s parents decided to come too, which made for lots of people for Nixon to love. I felt guilt at how free it felt, having so many people to help. But I sure didn’t mind. My baby boy is one lucky dude. We biked, we ate, we played games, we swam. I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend.

First swim. So warm!

I’m not one to care about the temperature. My husband chides me for not turning on the heat or air conditioning ever in my car. I just don’t think about it. But, baby its cold outside. Yesterday my nose felt chilled mid-afternoon. That’s the only time I pay attention to the thermostat – when it affects my nose. By evening we knew there was a problem. We borrowed a heater for our sleeping baby’s room and added a few blankets to our own. We survived the night. Heater fixed today by a nice man named Ron who goes about pushing people’s cars out of the snow in front of my house. Should I have tipped him? Crisis averted, anyway.

Tonight is a beef stew and breadsticks kind of night. I’m counting down the minutes until Tyler gets home from work.

People ask me if I ever get bored. These days? Oh, boredom is very rare. 

The Year Starts Like a Lion

I had big ideas to write about goals and plans for a new year, but in my currently humbled/exhausted state of spirit I know my every day goals remain the only ones that matter: happy husband, healthy baby. No big commitments or plans to save the world this year. Thank goodness.

I’m off to a bad start on my second goal. Nixon caught a nasty little flu that has broken my heart and my back just a little bit. A few days after Christmas he began to whine – a new little trick where he chews on his tongue and hmmms. I thought maybe teeth? No such luck. His fever spiked at 103 early Saturday morning and although that was brought down quickly, his sickness has continued. We hold him in the day and often in the night. We comfort and sing and rock. We do our best, but I feel failure. Failure because he’s sick, failure because he cries, failure because I try everything I know how to do and it’s not enough to fix him.

Yesterday I called the doctor. I said I needed an appointment and when asked why, I told the nurse my son had an ear infection. News to me. I didn’t know it until I said it. I was right. He did. The doctor also shared my concerns about possible croup or bronchitis on account of a cough too big for a baby to handle. Oh, what a sad little guy he has been!

Today is Nixon’s six month birthday. He celebrated by giving me a real smile for the first time in six days and also blowing out his diaper twice before 10 a.m. A record. He is such a cute, happy boy, and I am so glad today he seems to be on the mend. Regardless of the challenges, I am so grateful to be his mom. Way, way, way more than he knows. 

A Baby Fitness Post

I realized the other day that this blog is called “Running Funny” and rarely do I actually discuss running. The blog isn’t meant to be solely based on exercise, rather my intent is to 1) document our lives, 2) write because I love it, and 3) show that even though some of us do things differently – we’re all doing our best.

Today, though, I thought I would provide a little bit of insight into what I’ve done to stay fit during and after pregnancy. We are going back to the roots of the blog, if you will.

Pregnancy Fitness

During pregnancy exercise was a bit simpler. In general, I woke up at 6:15 a.m. four days a week for some form of exercise. I have access to a bike and elliptical at the clubhouse in my condo complex, so I generally chose one of those. When the pool opened, I swam. This was my favorite! As I swam, my aches would leave, weight was not a problem, and I felt fantastic. I swam for the last time on a Thursday, and by Tuesday Nixon was here. I made it to my goal of exercising the entire pregnancy!

As far as nutrition goes, a pregnant woman needs only 100 extra calories the first trimester and 300 extra in the second and third. Basically, I ate an extra snack a day. I tried to make sure I got enough protein with snacks like cheese and crackers, peanut butter on toast, etc. I ate a lot of salads – for some reason they tasted so good to me while I was pregnant! I also made sure to take a folic acid supplement.

Following Birth Routine

The sun has therapeutic properties and I knew that both Nixon and I could benefit from these in the weeks following his birth. We took a daily walk each morning beginning after his two week doctor’s appointment. I walked gingerly, slowly, but I went. At six weeks old, I began starting each morning with a 2-3 mile jog. In general Nixon would fall asleep by the end of these. When the weather turned cold and my pelvic did not improve, I had to modify. Two days a week I bundle Nixon up and we go out for a quick jog. On other days I hit the gym at 6:15 a.m. before Tyler leaves for work or I do P90X. For weights, I lift my son. He weighs 20 lbs. That’ll do. I feel fit and enjoy starting each day right.

A nursing woman should eat 500 extra calories a day! I am pretty much always starving, so that 500 extra isn’t a problem. However, eating the right foods can be difficult. I knew when I quit working I’d need to have more self control with a pantry attached to my office. I generally don’t buy sweets to help with the temptation. I’ve stocked up on nuts, fruit, etc. and eat as much of those as I fancy. When I need a treat, I eat a handful of marshmallows (don’t judge) or I’ll airpop popcorn and add just a bit of butter and salt. Nixon hasn’t been able to handle me consuming chocolate, which has really helped a lot.

Since giving birth to Nixon I have lost approximately 70 lbs. I was worried. I didn’t understand why I was gaining so much weight! No matter how healthy or how much a person exercises, I’ve learned that some people just gain a whole lot during pregnancy or they have underlying issues, like my preeclampsia. If I'd known that, I probably would've eaten more ice cream!

I still have a few areas I wish I could target better, but for the most part I feel really great now. That’s the important part, right? Exercise and not going along with the “eating for two” mentality helped me tremendously both mentally and physically during and after pregnancy. Next time around my goal will remain the same – stay fit the whole way through. I'm a believer!

Merry Christmas!

I'm going to make it a goal to send out more than 12 Christmas cards in 2013, but this year if you're not a grandparent or the like you most likely didn't get anything in the mail from us. But we still love you! This year has been one of the best yet for both Tyler and me. We are so glad to have such amazing family and friends all around us. We hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and the best year yet in 2013.

Tradition Like Tevye

My husband says not to worry. Traditions come, they happen, they don’t need creating. But I think maybe creating must happen just a bit. I want to be our own family, have our own set of “things we do every year since I can remember.” But how to start? And when to start? When Nixon can remember them? Now, so we say – “you’ve done this every year since you were born!”? Or in a few years when he cares?

Tyler and I have a tradition to open all our Christmas presents one night a few days early because Christmas day is a busy one with both our families close by. I don’t think this tradition will last once Santa makes his debut. That’s about us in the tradition department. Oh, man.

I look back on my growing up years and a few things stick out to me most. Sleeping under the Christmas tree with my sisters and listening to the song, “Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer” on my radio alarm clock – I think that’s when I knew… Acting out the Nativity while my dad read. I always hear his voice when I read those verses. Hunting for our Easter baskets cleverly hidden in the oven, the piano or somewhere like it. Camping at Bear Lake, where I discovered beauty and raspberry shakes. So many good times.

Will we have that? I guess more than anything I’m excited. What will they be? What will Nixon (and other children, maybe…) remember? I hope it turns out magical. I really do.