The Year Starts Like a Lion

I had big ideas to write about goals and plans for a new year, but in my currently humbled/exhausted state of spirit I know my every day goals remain the only ones that matter: happy husband, healthy baby. No big commitments or plans to save the world this year. Thank goodness.

I’m off to a bad start on my second goal. Nixon caught a nasty little flu that has broken my heart and my back just a little bit. A few days after Christmas he began to whine – a new little trick where he chews on his tongue and hmmms. I thought maybe teeth? No such luck. His fever spiked at 103 early Saturday morning and although that was brought down quickly, his sickness has continued. We hold him in the day and often in the night. We comfort and sing and rock. We do our best, but I feel failure. Failure because he’s sick, failure because he cries, failure because I try everything I know how to do and it’s not enough to fix him.

Yesterday I called the doctor. I said I needed an appointment and when asked why, I told the nurse my son had an ear infection. News to me. I didn’t know it until I said it. I was right. He did. The doctor also shared my concerns about possible croup or bronchitis on account of a cough too big for a baby to handle. Oh, what a sad little guy he has been!

Today is Nixon’s six month birthday. He celebrated by giving me a real smile for the first time in six days and also blowing out his diaper twice before 10 a.m. A record. He is such a cute, happy boy, and I am so glad today he seems to be on the mend. Regardless of the challenges, I am so grateful to be his mom. Way, way, way more than he knows.