Good Times

I continue to be amazed at how reduced my to do list is and yet how busy I remain. I can’t tell you where the days go or even what day it is most of the time, but they definitely fly.

What a fun time of life! I'd say Nixon has enjoyed his first two and a half months. He’s gone to the farm, the golf course, the canyon, the lake and a dozen other places. Most days he just stays home with me though. He takes four naps a day and sleeps between 7-9 hours at night. His favorite things to do are to lie on his tummy, take luxurious baths (complete with a blow dry afterwards) and eat (obviously).

There are so many things I love about being a mom. I love laying on the floor and having stare contests with my baby. He has the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. I love that he smiles more for me than for anyone else (although Tyler is a close second). I’ll do anything to make him smile.

I love how happy he is in the mornings. I love how he curls up like a little bug when I have to wake him up from a nap. I love how he lays his hand on my chest while he’s nursing. I love when he falls asleep in my arms. The books say not to let him do that – put to bed “drowsy, but awake.” Once in a while I close the book and just hold him. Until my arm goes numb, of course. He is a big boy with a big head!

I never realized how much I would love watching Nixon and Tyler play together. His first laugh was for Tyler. Nixon jumps in Tyler’s arms and scoots himself across the blanket a dozen times for Tyler. I think he reserves certain activities like this for his dad. It’s pretty adorable.

Being a mom is so much harder than I ever imagined. But at the same time it’s so much more fun. 

Back to It

Can you keep a secret? Nixon and I went for a run.

Today I hit the six-week point since baby. And that means, if all looks well tomorrow at the doctor’s, I will be cleared to run. I promised myself I would wait, but then I got curious and then ... I jumped the gun just a wee bit. I honestly couldn’t wait. It was hard an exhilarating at the same time. Oh, how I missed it!

 I can’t believe it’s finally here. I can’t believe it. Almost a year ago, I stopped running hard. I was pregnant, then it ended, then I was pregnant again two months later. Because of how it all happened, I was terrified to run. I exercised just about four times a week until five days before the little dude arrived, biking or swimming or elliptical. But running. Running was too much of a mental challenge. Even when I did jog on occasion, it certainly wasn’t heavy exercise.

 And now I’ve made it back to the point where my exercise routine can’t possibly hurt anyone, except I guess myself. I am giddy. Two weeks ago I was frustrated with the delay in healing I felt like I was experiencing. The birth process left some scars I feared would never mend. I consider it a blessing that today things are looking up. Pain is almost gone! Getting back into running shape will be a serious challenge. I am different, there’s no way around it. But I am all in. So dang excited!

The End and The Beginning

I quit my job and lost the ability to breath. For a moment.

I thought I had decided a very long time ago that stay at home mom was the gig for me. I wanted some time to make sure, so I told work I'd let them know as soon as I knew. And that's how it stood.

Three days after Nixon was born I was ready to go back to work. I was ready for the schedule, the routine, the interesting people and conversations and the fun projects. I searched for a way to make it work, even at one point asking Tyler if he felt ok with quitting his job and staying home instead.  I struggled with the 24/7 beckoning of an infant I didn't know and who I didn't feel knew me.

But I knew what, for me, was right. My baby somehow needs me and I need him. The phone call was made, the tears were shed, the fear set in. Very soon I will no longer have a job for the first time since I started babysitting consistently at age 11. Can I do this?

Interesting to me, as soon as I let go of that life, something new set in. Love. I love this baby. Whatever part of me I feel like I've lost, there's something new and different setting in. I'm becoming a mom. I still don't know what that means for me completely. I know my “to do” list has shortened substantially and some days I look back on my day and can’t for the life of me account for what I accomplished, besides keeping a child fed and clean. But I know this new life fits. However it changes me, it's who I'm meant to be.

Searching

I have been reading too many books. Parenting books, to be exact. Getting baby to sleep, to be more exact. My baby is five weeks old today. But he has been having a hard time with too little good sleep, and I want to help him be a talented sleeper like his dad so I know I've got to start early.

So many opinions flood the airwaves. Never, ever let your baby cry, says one. You're heartless and they'll grow up with dependencies and addictions because you abandoned them. Really, that's what they tell me.

On the other end of the spectrum "the book" says beginning after the first week of life you must let them cry in their bed until they fall asleep each nap time because you're in charge. In return people will stop you in the street to tell you how happy and well adjusted your child is. And my child won't have entitlement issues later in life, they say.

I see both sides, I'm right down the middle and some days I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. It's terrifying to think that what I do now is going to affect a life forever. I never fully accepted the pressure that comes along with being a mom until now.

But I'm realizing that I know more than anybody else. Maybe I am even wiser than Babywise. Sometimes he fights sleep and I have to do what it takes to get him there, even if that means letting him cry while I watch the monitor and cry along with him. Sometimes he needs a little extra time with me and I will give it to him. And every once in a while he actually is starving and it's only been an hour and a half. I'll feed him.

I don't know what I'm doing. But I'm doing my very best and hopefully the rest is made up for. He smiles right back at me, has wide, explorative eyes, and slept six hours straight twice this week. So maybe he'll grow up and won't be half crazy after all.

A Baby Update

Nixon baby is doing just fine. He loves to eat – gained more than two pounds already. He loves to sleep – in fact last night he went four hours in between feeding not once but twice. Good kid. He looks exactly like his dad. He hates the hiccups, being bored and waiting on meals (don’t we all). He’s a big time grunter, makes lots of faces and loves baths.



Tyler as a baby



Tyler's little clone - baby Nix

He just keeps growing!

 He turns one month old in two days, and none of us can believe it. We love this little dude.

We are Family

I wanted to follow up with a few pictures of Nixon during his first few days of life. We're home from the hospital now and starting to get the handle of this new life. It certainly is a good one.

Dang cute baby

First family photo - right after birth

Ready for the car ride home!

Best dad in the world, hands down

Chilling with mom

A Whole New World

On Tuesday, July 3 at 10:40 pm, our lives got so much more incredible. We turned a corner and became what we've both always wanted to be- a mom and a dad.  It was incredible how instantly Nixon Tyler Gibb became our whole world.

At 7 lbs. 13 oz. 19.5 inches long and a big head covered in dark brown hair, he's alert and absolutely perfect.  As with anything miraculous, some hard times led the way. After surely a prompting from an over worried sister, Sunday we made a quick trip to the labor and delivery unit of the hospital. I was having some pain underneath my ribs and with very swollen "Shrek" feet in tow, I needed to be checked. After several bloods tests, heart tracking, and a 24-hour urine test, it was determined late Monday evening that I had mild preeclampsia and was at risk. So at 37 weeks and three days pregnant, we learned we would be induced to have a baby the next morning.

I was disappointed to be induced. I wanted everything to happen "normally" - you know, wake up in the middle of the night realizing its time to go, the mad race to the hospital, the wheelchair into delivery, etc. This seemed so strange. We woke up in the morning, showered, Tyler made waffles for breakfast, we took some pictures, we sang at the top of our lungs all the way to the hospital and walked calmly in (sort of) at 10 a.m. It didn't seem to be happening.  And then it was.

Labor wasn't very difficult in the beginning. We got started about 12 p.m, water was broken an hour later and mostly we just rested and waited. I had an epidural, but they somehow only gave me the initial dose and forgot the drip system. Two hours later when I finally asked if I should be feeling everything, the anesthesia guy came back and told me I was tough. Not by choice, dude. The epidural also tanked my blood pressure so I started losing it and had to have some oxygen. But that shot was way more enjoyable than the IV. I hated that. I was hooked to a bunch of things including magnesium (nasty stuff) and strep antibiotics ( I tested positive for strep). Because of preeclampsia I was considered high risk and had my very own nurse. Not that we needed one, it was slow moving for a while. 

At about 630 things got interesting. I started dilating more quickly. A six, to a 7.5, to a 9. I learned that my doctor was away because his home was being evacuated - another fire in the mountains. So many this year! So Dr. Haskett would deliver Nixon. I was totally happy about this- Dr. Haskett is really cool. He's a jock and funny and smart. I liked him. 

Anyway. I started feeling like my tailbone might break. And then I told Tyler they better come back soon because he was down, down, down and was going to come out on his own. Finally at about 10 they came back and sure enough, his head was past ready. They said women push for an hour and a half to get to that point. I got lucky. 

Nixon was posterior and turns out the kid has a big head, so it was more difficult than the doctor thought it would be. He would get Nixon turned the right way, then baby Nix would just turn right back. However, sparing details, 40 minutes of what seemed impossible and the baby was out! 

They wiped him off and handed him to me, but then things got rough for a while. I wanted to try to feed him right away. I wouldn't get the chance for five hours.  First, Nixon was dehydrated and not breathing super awesome. He was taken by the nurses and Tyler to the nursery for some help.  Then, my doctor vetoed the other doctor's decision to take me off magnesium, saying I needed it at least 12 hours more to prevent seizure or stroke. I don't know if he understood how difficult that made things. My energy was of course gone. But then I started puking, all alone in my room. I had already puked once during labor, so this was straight water. Then they tried to transport me to a new room. I passed out in the chair. Got to the room, passed out, puked some more. I was so out of it I don't remember too much. I do remember my doctor coming and I finally convinced him to half the dose.

That helped. That whole part was hard for me. I overwhelmingly wanted to care for my baby. But I couldn't. I couldn't lift my head off the pillow and with a catheter I couldn't move around and so Tyler played the parent role solo for a while. And he played it so well. Tyler became so much more to me through all of this. He is truly incredible and nothing phases him. He is the perfect dad. The perfect husband. The best support a girl could ask for. 

We've been in the hospital learning to feed and care for baby Nix. After that first night things have been so great. He's an awesome baby. Such a cute round face and alert eyes. Right now he's just sleeping in my arms and it feels so perfect. I am so grateful.  We'll go home in a few hours and real life will begin. It definitely will never be the same. And I'm so glad.  Pictures coming soon!